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Living with Less, Loving People More

March 20, 2012 • Paul Williams • No comments

Still Life by Nicolas Boullosa on FlickrCarol decided to try an experiment. Several of her friends at work were giving up things for Lent and she decided to join them (even though her church didn’t practice Lent). To her husband’s surprise, she gave up shopping. Once a week she did grocery shopping for her family but she didn’t buy anything for herself for forty days.

When she thought about something she wanted to buy during that time, she said to God, “I’ll let it wait. You are enough.” By the end of the forty days, she’d forgotten about most of the things she wanted. Thinking back on her experiment, she says: “Life was so much less hectic. Being in stores messes with your mind. It convinces you that you really need things you don’t need at all.”

Such experiments with simplicity (actually, frugality) are about learning to be content with whatever we have (Phil 4:11). They help us redefine the good life as “the life that is truly life” (1 Tim 6:17-19). They teach us to live with less rather than satisfying every desire for more. We learn to ask ourselves, “What can I get rid of?” rather than, “What do I want to buy?” As a result, when we have a little more, we don’t think of how we can spend it but how we can use it to help others:  a flat-screen TV or helping our friends with their mortgage payment?

The Heart Exam

Practicing frugality means making intentional choices to keep or let go of possessions we already own (clutter?) and what we acquire. This begins as an issue of stewardship but becomes a revealer of what’s in our hearts. How does it feel to pass up buying a shirt that would make you shockingly attractive? Why is it not OK to use yard tools that are older than dirt but still work well? Why do I resist getting my sofa repaired instead of buying a new one? Such challenges help us look deeply within ourselves.

When we want to buy something (or acquire it another way), it’s wise to consider the motives that drive us. We’ll discover feelings and desires we didn’t know we had, such as:

  • inadequacy (owning certain items to prove I’m important),
  • people-pleasing (getting others’ approval by having the latest clothing or gadget),
  • perfectionism (making sure I have just the right high performance rims for my car’s tires or buying my children everything they want to feel like I’m a good parent).

Recognizing these and other motives moves us to begin asking God:  Why am I so needy? How will I learn to let You, O God, be enough?

Once a month I have an appointment not far from a large, college-slanted book store. I used to drop by there on my way home every month, coming away with at least one purchase. I confess I felt good as I drove home—as if I had friends (books) in the seat next to me. Finally I asked God, “What’s going on here? Is there anything unhealthy in this?” While some of it was my healthy desire to learn and grow, it was also about having “smart” books because I hang out with some smart people. It was also about my desire to cocoon away my life reading rather than reaching out and loving people. So I decided to see how many months I could go without visiting the bookstore. It’s been a good experiment.

This heart exam provides great fodder for reflection. We forego buying some little thing and say to God:  Would you help me understand that you really are enough? Slowly we begin to look to God a little more as the companion of our life and learn the joy of a simple, satisfied life.

Where to Start

Consider the list below. (You’ll probably think of ideas that suit your life and wants better.) If you did one or two of the following, how would your life be more focused on what you believe is important? How would it shape your character? What qualities might be built in you? What would you have more time and money for? How might it help you invest more in people and less in things?

  • Refused to enter any kind of store more than once a week
  • Bought a new compact car every 10 years and not before
  • Wore the same shirt every Monday, the same shirt every Tuesday, the same shirt…
  • Moved to a smaller home, condominium or apartment instead of a larger place
  • Lived on a weekly allowance of 10, 20, or 30 dollars
  • Ate out less than once a week
  • Limited time spent in stores and chose not to take children or grandchildren into stores
  • Gave away a piece of clothing every time you bought a new piece of clothing (even from a thrift store)
  • Prepared and ate an evening meal on Monday and ate it again on Wednesday; Prepared and ate an evening meal on Tuesday and ate it again on Thursday (or prepared one large meal on Monday and ate the same thing all week)
  • Give yourself a “favorite item” allowance, such as a book allowance or power tool allowance (or computer gadgets, clothing, health and fitness aids, grooming & beauty items)
  • Figured out what you need for a monthly or annual income to survive, add a tithe to it, add some savings to it and then from the rest, give 50%

When we do such things, we aren’t practicing legalism. We don’t want to create pride in how well we obey a set of rules we’ve invented.  The point is to make space for God in our lives, to love God with all of our selves and to love others as ourselves.

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 This article is adapted from Jan Johnson’s book, Abundant Simplicity, with permission from InterVarsity Press.  You can find more of Jan’s writing at her website:  http://www.janjohnson.org/

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Walking Circumspectly

March 11, 2012 • Kevin Tupper • No comments

This morning at our church service the scripture reading was Ephesians 5:15-21.  The first portion of that passage reads,

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.  [Eph 5:15-17]‎

After coming home one of my friends had a quote from John O’Donohue’s book, Eternal Echoes:  Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong.  The portion of the quote that stood out to me was this.

We rush through our days in such stress and intensity, as if we were here to stay and the serious project of the world depends on us. We worry and grow anxious; we magnify trivia until they become important enough to control our lives.

I think you could put the two together and they make perfect sense.  Not walking circumspectly is exactly what O’Donohue is describing.  Read them together with a slight insertion from me.

We rush through our days in such stress and intensity, as if we were here to stay and the serious project of the world depends on us. We worry and grow anxious; we magnify trivia until they become important enough to control our lives.  These things ought not to be so.  If you want to progress in life, look carefully at how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Walking circumspectly is required if you want to transition from having a heart of thorns that chokes out the fruitfulness of God’s word to having a heart of fertile soil that bears fruit.

When I stayed on the treadmill of life, I didn’t get anywhere. It may have looked like I was making worldly progress on the outside, but not much was changing on the inside.  It wasn’t until several years ago when I deliberately stepped off the treadmill and spent time in reflection and thought with God that things really began to change internally.   Eventually the internal changes began to produce external ones and continue to do so.  It is fruit that remains – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and so forth.  It takes time and work to plant a new crop, but it can happen.

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A Father’s Counsel

March 9, 2012 • Kevin Tupper • No comments

My daughter recently turned 18 and has started receiving unsolicited advice about college and career choices.  Some of it is from her parents.  :-)  Some from people she works with.

With my son being not too far behind her, I decided it was time to write them both a letter and share with them some of my thoughts.  I’ve made it an open letter.  Feel free to use anything from that you might find helpful.

 

 

 

 

Dear Holly and Caleb,

Your mother and I are very proud of who you are and who you are becoming.  Much of what I’m writing isn’t new to you, but I wanted to write it out for you anyway.  Yes I repeat myself, but I do so in love.

Choosing Counselors

As you transition into adulthood and through the rest of life you will receive plenty of advice.  The reason for giving the advice falls along a spectrum.  On one end is advice that comes from love.  It is given with your best in mind from people who have experience and wisdom and want you to be the beneficiary.  It may be given so that you can experience the same success and joy that they have, or perhaps so you can avoid the failure, heartache, or pain that come from making poor decisions.  On the other end is advice that is completely self-serving – whether or not it benefits you is of no importance to the giver.

As you grow in experience and understanding your ability to discern where along the spectrum the advice is coming from will improve.  Do your best to keep counselors who are at the loving end of the spectrum.  Generally, their advice will be of better quality because it is usually given with forethought and care.  In addition, if the advice proves costly, loving people will remain with you to walk through the consequences.

The Best Counselor

Although we live in a God-breathed world, it seems God is hidden.  It is easy to become a person who has eyes but cannot see and ears but cannot hear.  Don’t become such a person.  The best thing I can recommend to you is to make knowing God and living a reflective, examined life with him your highest pursuit.  When you are living in an interactive relationship with Father, Son, and Spirit is when you are most truly alive and most fully human.

This type of relationship starts when you ask him to reveal himself to you.  He will do so because he delights in making himself known; it is for your good and the good of those around you.  You can be certain he will do so in a way and manner that is appropriate for you as an individual and at the same time not inappropriate for anyone else.  (Having the wisdom and ability to do that is one of the things I love most about God.)

My experience has been that the sacred Scriptures are foundational in knowing God.  Some people call the book inspired, others call it mystical, and some even call it mythical.  Whatever it is, the testimony of your father and countless others is that if you are seeking God, he will meet you in a unique and real way as you read, study, meditate, and reflect on the narratives, chronologies, proverbs, prophecies, poems, and letters in the Bible.

Along with finding God especially present in the Scriptures, I have found him in relationship with others who know him and are seeking him.  This is not limited to what our culture refers to as church, and I use the term relationship in its broadest sense.  It includes listening to messages from gifted teachers and reading books (both old and new), as well as the more common forms of fellowship with small groups and close friends.

As you grow in engaging God in the Scriptures and find him in the company of others, you will begin to see him elsewhere too.  You have eyes that see and ears that hear.  God is becoming unhidden to you and you are living your life with him.  If you are looking for him, you will find him present with you as you make your bed, study for an exam, pick-up a piece of trash, gaze at a sunset, or look into the face of another.

Surprisingly, if you are seeking him, you will even find him present with you when you are about to (or have done) ungodly things.  In fact, it’s most important to draw close to him during these times and let him love you and teach you.  Because it’s his love in these moments that can free you and give you the power to overcome harmful habits, thoughts, and ways of being that you inherited from your parents or learned from the environment we live in.

Yes, Love himself is the best counselor you will ever find.  Knowing him and reflectively living in his reality is a lifelong journey.  Like any journey there will be times of great progress and there will be setbacks.  There will be times of active engagement and times of passiveness when you are carried along the way.  There will be times of elation when you think you’ve got it, and times of disappointment when you wonder if you ever had it.  Just remember, the Trinitarian presence of Father, Son, and Spirit is with you always.

Know Your Blind Spots

The prevailing culture that we live in is dominated by materialism and consumerism.  These two streams of thought are part of who you are by virtue of the environment you were brought up in.  Materialism disregards spiritual reality.  It says that matter is all there is.  What you can see and touch is the only thing that is real.  Consumerism says that you are incomplete and unfulfilled.  Only by purchasing goods or services with increasing frequency and in greater amounts will you be satisfied.

Based on those societal measurements you live the good life.  You have been privileged with resources unimaginable to most of the world, developed or otherwise.  This includes abundant access to food, clothing, shelter, education, healthcare, recreation, and entertainment.  You have had it all well beyond any basic need.  On top of that you have grown up in a loving and supportive environment, for the most part, with two parents who love each other and love you.

Jesus said, “How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God,” for a reason.  Growing up in a family of means in a materialistic, consumerist culture can lead to having blind spots.  Here are some of them.  It can lead you to think you are better than others when you are not.  It can lead you to think there is security in possessions when there is none.  It can lead you to think you have power and influence when you have none.  It can lead you to think you have earned what you have when you have not.  And worst of all, it can lead you into captivity by causing you to fall in love with a life that is good and missing out on a life of joy inexpressible.   Thankfully, Jesus also said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God.  For all things are possible with God.”

It took me a long time to learn this, and in many respects, I’m still learning it.  As you live with the great Counselor, he will unwind the lies of materialism and consumerism and their affect on your life.

Vocational & Lifestyle Choices

As you begin college you are going to hear a lot of advice to choose a certain course of study and career path.   Much of it will come in a way that encourages you toward a vocation that allows you to maintain the lifestyle you grew up in.  You may even hear echoes of things I have told you at one time or another.  Sorry about that.  I want to release you from all that.  You don’t have to live with that pressure.  There is a better way.

Remember the message that Jesus shared with his followers in what is called the Sermon on the Mount.   In the middle of it he talks about how God knows that you need food and clothing.   You don’t have to worry about those things.  Seek his kingdom first and God will take care of the food and clothes.

I think the application as you enter this next phase of life is this.  Explore the courses of study that interest you.  Develop relationships with loving counselors as you grow and learn.  And most importantly, walk all that out with God as you discover who you are and how he’s called you to follow him.

You’ll likely have more than one vocation during your lifetime.  So travel light and choose vocations that bring you happiness and joy and have a clear sense of connectedness to the kingdom of God.   The opportunities for that are limitless – kingdom work is far more expansive than religious stuff.

Remember your father and mother love you and are always here for you.

With love,

Dad

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Consider the Birds

December 6, 2011 • Kevin Tupper • 2 comments

It is almost impossible to escape the news about the economy.  Record deficits, high unemployment, the debt crisis, losing our triple AAA rating, European contagion, market collapse – all buzz words that inspire fear and worry.  Some say it could get a lot worse before it gets better.  It may.  I don’t know, nor do the “experts” who bring me the news.

But I do know that I was encouraged to consider the birds of the air and recognize how they neither sow, nor reap; nor gather into barns; yet my Father in heaven feeds them.  And I am told that I am more valuable than they are. [Mt 6:25-26], [Lk 12:22-24]

There are days when it is hard work to lean into that truth deeply and rest in the reality of it.  It takes focused consideration.  This is his creation. Living in his kingdom under his care is the safest place I can be, in spite of what may happen to me.  It’s much safer to abandon myself to God and trust in his taking care of me than in relying on my own ingenuity and ability to secure my own future.

As I rest in the reality of that truth, my spirit rejoices and sings the song of salvation that Father sings over me.  Oh, how good you are Father.  You have invited me to “taste and see that you are good.”  You have invited me to “come buy wine without price.”  I have come, Father.  And you have given me this treasure in the weakness of my body to show that the power is from you. When I am scared and my head is down, you are the lifter of my head.  And in you will I rejoice!

Lord, continue to help me seek your kingdom first and to place my confidence in you to secure what is necessary for life that is truly life. Thank you that you allow what is not life to be shaken from me.

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